Focus on What You Can Control
Do you ever wake up and wonder what it's all about? Life? So much activity every day, but some days it feels like Groundhog Day. Like you're stuck in the same place, working so hard, but still have so far to go, and you don't even know exactly where you're going.
I spent my 20s, 30s, and even my early 40s chasing progress. Building a career. Checking boxes. Working hard and telling myself the next promotion or the next win would finally make things feel settled. I would finally be happy when "fill in the blank" happened. And I made real progress. But somewhere along the way I started asking myself a harder question. What is all of this for? I have a family I love more than anything, but they aren't getting the best of me. Is this the way my life is supposed to be? My life was running me. I wasn't running my life. I didn't know what, but I knew something had to change.
Here is what I have learned since that moment. A lot of our stress comes from trying to control things we were never meant to control. Outcomes. Other people. How they react to us. What happens tomorrow, or next year, or ten years from now. We grip tighter and tighter, hoping that if we just work harder or plan more carefully, we can force the outcome we want. But it doesn't work. The promotion still depends on someone else's decision. Your kids will still make their own choices. The market will still do what it does. All that gripping just leaves you tired and stuck, and perhaps lying awake at 3am, wondering why you are awake... again.
What you can actually control is smaller. But it is everything that matters. I'd even say it's the way. It's your mindset. Your health. Your attitude. Your words. Your behavior. How you spend your time and money. These are the inputs you are solely accountable for. These are the only things we actually control, every single day. And when you focus your energy there instead of on outcomes you cannot force, something quietly shifts, maybe not right away, but it will definitely shift. You stop white knuckling your way through life and you start building the life you want. I must warn you though, it's not easy to learn to let go.
What does this actually look like? Well, an example I am still working on in my life is learning to put my phone down. Social media and the news are built to pull you in and keep you scrolling. Sometimes I pick up my phone after I just checked it, and I ask myself why I just did that, but it's become a habit. Here's my reality though. It's an input that doesn't align with any output I need in my life. Maybe it's different for you. But for me, it is easy to numb out for an hour without even noticing, and I could miss an important moment with my kids or wife during this time. The problem is not just the time lost. It is that you are spending your attention on things you cannot change, instead of investing it in the life you are trying to build. Every doomscroll is a withdrawal. Every hour spent on your health, your relationships, your growth, your work, is a deposit. Think of it as investing today into tomorrow.
For me, the more news I watch, the more I notice my mood shift. It is easy to fall into a doom and gloom mindset. The news will hand you plenty of reasons to believe the world is ending. But step back for a second and zoom out. We are living in one of the best times in human history to be alive. We have clean water and electricity at the flip of a switch. We can press a button, and the food we want can show up at our door, and it's fresh. We can research almost anything in seconds. We have tools like YouTube and AI that let us work faster and smarter than any generation before us. We can become mechanics, do-it-yourselfers, or entrepreneurs easier than ever before. And if you genuinely do not like the life you are living, you have the agency to change it. That's the best part.
I definitely don't have it all figured out. I am learning this daily, with the people around me, including people I work with, my wife and kids, my friends and neighbors. Here is the truth though: a lot of things that happen to you tomorrow are outside of your control. If you can learn to shift your energy and attention to what you do control, I believe you will have much more inner peace.
One question to carry with you
Are you spending time focusing on things outside of your control?
One thing to practice
Pay attention to the next couple of days. Notice how many times you reach for your phone out of habit instead of choice. Each time you notice it, put it down.
I'd love to hear from you. If this stirred something up, hit reply and tell me about it.
Jonathan Worrall
Growing Forward
If this letter was useful, get the next one: twice a month, straight to your inbox.